Banjo, Kazooie, and Mumbo Scripts
by MeiTnerium109
Summary: Scripts of episodes of Banjo, Kazooie, and Mumbo. See my account on YouTube, which is also Meitnerium109.


_**Banjo, Kazooie, and Mumbo**_

**IN**

**Pregnancy**

_By Scott Bommarito_

-/Scene 1: The Truth\-

LOC – Floor, Facing TV from PC

Banjo – Kazooie, why do I usually have to carry you in this backpack?

Kazooie – Well...

Banjo – You killed Mumbo again, didn't you!

Banjo – Dammit Kazooie, why did you kill Mumbo? What's you motive?

Kazooie – I DIDN'T KILL MUMBO!

Banjo – (mumbling) Over expression when confronted with topic... AHA! You did kill him!

(Mumbo walks in.)

Mumbo – Hey gu—

Banjo – IMPOSTER!

(Banjo attacks Mumbo. He tries to pull Mumbo's face off.)

Banjo – Why won't this mask come off!

Kazooie – Um, Banjo, Mumbo isn't dead. That's the real Mumbo.

Banjo – LIES!

( Officer Luigi walks in.)

Luigi – Err... sir, please refrain from ripping this gentleman's face off.

Banjo – He's not gentle, he's an IMPOSTER!

Mumbo – (struggles to speak while being pulled at) Ban—jo,—Mu—m—bo—am—NOT—an—imp—os—ter!

Kazooie – Banjo... I'm pregnant.

(Everyone stares at Kazooie.)

Banjo – OMG WE'RE GONNA' HAVE A BABY SHOWER! Mumbo, call my relatives.

Mumbo – So "Mumbo, call my relatives" is the kind of respect Mumbo get? Mumbo not happy.

Banjo – Banjo call relatives. Mumbo be happy.

Mumbo – Mumbo not happy. Banjo try to rip Mumbo's face off.

-\End/-

-/Scene 2: Planning\-

LOC – Facing Bookshelf

(Mumbo is sitting at a desk.)

(Banjo walks in.)

Banjo – Mumbo, how much of Kazooie's baby shower have you planned?

Mumbo – Look Banjo, I've made a time machine.

Camera shows a large Time Machine to the left of Mumbo

Banjo – (Growls) MUMBO...

Mumbo – Wee! (Gets inside time machine)

Banjo – ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!

(Mumbo uses the Time Machine. He returns quickly.)

Mumbo – Banjo, don't go to the Cretaceous era to get Tylenol™. (Banjo stares a "WTF?") I've been there. It's not fun.

FLASH BACK!

(Mumbo is running from Dinosaurs with a bottle of Tylenol™.)

FLASH FORWARD!

Banjo – Mumbo, why do you get your Tylenol™ at the Cretaceous era? (Mumbo acts like he's hiding something.) Anyway, HOW MUCH HAVE YOU PLANNED?

Mumbo – ... well, we know that we'll have some Ramen™ at the party.

Banjo – DON'T SAY RAMEN™ !

Mumbo – Oka—

(Chinese Ty-Chi Chicken Man appears behind Mumbo.)

CM – Where's the RAMEN™ ?

Mumbo – South China.

CM – (runs away to South China) Away I go!

-\End/-

-/Scene 3: Kazooie's Female Friends\-

LOC – Top Bunk of Bed

(Kazooie is waiting on the top bunk for her friends. Ducky enters.)

Kazooie – Hey Ducky! Where are the rest of my friends?

Ducky – Um, we're the only two female characters of all of the Plush Kingdom.

Kazooie – What about Mumbo?

Ducky – QUIET! No one needs to know about that!

Kazooie – Err... yeah.

Ducky – So, how long have you been expecting?

Kazooie – 10 years.

(Ducky stares.)

Kazooie – Breegulls are pregnant for up to—

(Mumbo randomly appears in his Time Machine.)

Mumbo – That's my fault too!

(Mumbo exits.)

Ducky – Okay...

-\End/-

-/Scene 4: Whose Baby is it?\-

LOC – Facing Bookshelf

(Everyone is surrounding Kazooie except for Mumbo.)

Banjo – Ok, Kazooie, you better tell us whose baby that is... growing inside of you.

Kazooie – Well... it was a late night at the strip club.

(Mumbo is back in his Time Machine.)

Mumbo – LIES! It was I who impregnated her!

Kazooie – Um, Mumbo, it was Banjo...

Banjo – (screams for a long time) NO!

(Kazooie pokes him.)

Kazooie – OF COURSE NOT! Neither of you could impregnate me. I'm a bird. Only birds can impregnate me!

Mumbo – EXACTLY!

(Everyone stares at Mumbo.)

Banjo – Mumbo, stop talking Jumbo.

Kazooie – He'sa shaman. You never know what he is...

Banjo – Mumbo, I need to know... have I ever pooped into you?

Mumbo – YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!

(Mumbo exits.)

Banjo – Kazooie, was it **really** Mumbo?

(Ducky enters.)

Ducky – IT WAS ME!

Banjo – But you're both females!

Ducky – WRONG! I'm a hermaphrodite!

Kazooie – It's right there... I mean Ducky's right there.

Banjo – I see why CM divorced you. You two couldn't do it.

Kazooie – Well... not successfully. The hermaphrodite is always the father.

Banjo – I...gotta'...go...puke.

(Banjo exits.)

(Banjo pukes.)

(Banjo returns.)

Banjo – So, are you two gay?

Kazooie – Technically, no. Hermaphrodites are both sexes.

Banjo – NOT AGAIN!

(Banjo exits.)

(Banjo pukes.)

(Banjo returns.)

-\End/-

-/Scene 5: Credits\-

LOC – Top Bunk of Bed

MUSIC: Billie Jean – Michael Jackson

(Banjo is singing to the music.)

(Kazooie enters.)

Kazooie – Banjo, it's over. I got it removed yesterday.

Banjo – RACIST!

Kazooie – Um, Banjo, I think there's a word for that.

Banjo – Yeah, MURDERER!

Kazooie – Hey, you're not a woman. Only their opinion is respected.

Banjo – I can go over to Mumbo's if you want.

Kazooie – (screams for a long time) NO!

Banjo – Just kidding. I'm more intelligent than that. I'll go to Doctor Luigi's!

Kazooie – Bad Banjo! NO!

Banjo – I don't mean for that reason. I just want to get a haircut.

Kazooie – Well, you never know what Dr. Luigi will do to you.

(Doctor Luigi comes and abducts Banjo.)

Banjo – NO! I DON'T WANNA' GET MEATLOAFFED!

Luigi – SHUT UP!

-\End/-


End file.
